After not being able to come back to Italy for around 5 months, I’m finally here. Since the beginning of the pandemic, I’ve dreamt to be back but when it was getting close to the day of my flight, I kept thinking about the fact that I had to move out from the apartment that I really loved and move into a new apartment. This was something that I’d put off for a while and because there was no escaping this time, I was really anxious to come back.
After an abnormally normal flight, there I was, in Milan, waiting for a bus to Turin. Being back felt really weird. Especially when I set foot into our beloved apartment. It made me really sad to think that I’d have to move as soon as possible. Next day I talked to Ladi and he said that we have a week to move out. I freaked out because I thought we’d have at least a month until I find a new apartment. Uncertainty has been the main issue of my life for quite a while now and this one was one of the tougher things that I had to figure out. On the bright side, Ladi who I hadn’t seen in 5 months, would come and help me pack and find a new apartment.
In a week, Ladi and I packed his stuff and sent them to Trieste then packed my stuff and stored them somewhere until I found a new apartment. Although stressful, doing all of this with Ladi made me happy because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle all the stress and emotions without his help. Apartment hunting was quite fun, we joked about how we feel like newlyweds and how fun it is to imagine ourselves in a new place.
The whole process took a bit less than three weeks. During that time I stayed at a friend’s place and I’ve been in my new apartment for a couple of days. I think I adjusted pretty quickly and I feel happy here and I’m hoping that this isn’t me sweeping my emotions under the rug.
Two days after we moved in, Ladi left to go back to Trieste. In the evening of that day the exact words I said to myself were ‘shit, I forgot how to live alone’. I was so bored of doing nothing, so bored of watching Netflix and so bored of eating chips and drinking coke on the sofa. The side of me that doesn’t want to hang out with friends outweighs the side that does, because I think I’ve been experiencing jealousy. It’s weird for me to say this because I haven’t felt this way about anything since I was probably a toddler and it’s a disturbing, unfamiliar feeling. I guess seeing my friends with their significant others all the time when I’m in a long distance relationship or them always being on holiday when I feel like Sisyphus finally took a toll on me.
With all of this said, I really don’t remember how I used to live by myself… Well I guess, now that I’m starting to settle down, I can finally have some structure to my life. Then I’ll learn how to live alone again. Right?